It’s Been a while since I have written but it’s because it was incredibly hard to encapsulate this year into a few paragraphs. I am sorry I couldn’t send it before Christmas but it had to be just right.
Something happened, NO many things happened. Where do I start? I started the year off with great excitement and zeal. I had my strategy, my goals, my plans and my dreams right in place. Then life happened, minor setbacks at first and then major setbacks followed.
I had some amazing projects in the pipeline and suddenly everything came to a standstill. I couldn’t focus on my writing. I couldn’t focus on my dreams, I couldn’t focus. PERIOD. I was stretched beyond my human abilities.
But if you know me well, you will know I am very resilient because God made me this way.
A ten ton truck could be laying on top of me and I would be smiling like I just won the lottery. That has been the story of my life. It’s not that I am being pretentious, it’s just that I somehow am able to look at the glass as always half full.
Then I turned 40 in May! I was grateful for the opportunity to begin life afresh. As the famous cliche says, “Life begins at forty” I became a bit more reflective and I did my best to celebrate 4 decades on earth with those who love me and could be there with me. I realized that even though I had fallen short of my mission mid-way in 2014, I still had a chance to make things happen. I started counting some blessings and praising God. I managed to lose about 40 pounds due to consistent exercise and eating better.
I dealt with the human experience of being let down by people I loved and trusted. This was the year that I learned that someone could stab you right in your face and have a smile on their face while doing so. Let’s just say, I truly grew up. I prayed and felt closer to God than I ever did and I could hear the audible voice of God guiding me and helping me through my darkest hours. I marked my birthday with a few friends out of town and I had a wonderful time living in the moment.
Half way through the year, I was diagnosed with a health condition.
Under normal circumstances it’s something that can be managed or operated upon with little or no stress but I had major complications around this situation. If I did nothing, I would slowly die. To be honest, I was dying and it felt like I was going down fast. Everyday, I was losing energy and zeal and I was having nightmares. I was barely sleeping and I was scared. My faith wavered. I didn’t want to die. I want to live a happy healthy life and I want to be here for my kids. “What’s happening to me?” I asked.
I thought I had prayed every prayer possible, but I seriously hadn’t even scratched the surface when it came to prayer. Prayer became less of an obligation and more of the breath I needed to survive. I needed to feel God’s presence, I needed to hear he loves me. I needed to know that all the promises he made to me would come to pass. It was good having people pray for me and I really really appreciated the support from my friends and family. I soon realized that this battle was something I had to partner with God alone on. It wasn’t just my health or my life I was fighting for, I was fighting to live out my purposeful life of destiny. It was more spiritual than physical. I had a lot going on. It felt like all odds were against me.
In late September, I checked into the hospital and the surgery was successful. Thank God. I felt like a new-born baby and for almost 2 months I went through a deep inner transformation. I can’t explain it but it seemed as though God forced me to stay in one place so he could reconfigure me. It didn’t seem like prayer anymore, it seemed like I was having daily conversations with God. In fact, every hour I would stop for a few minutes and spend time speaking and listening to him. Throughout the night I felt wrapped up in his arms. I felt safe. I couldn’t explain it. I know I have been truly transformed from the inside out. There’s this deep “knowing” only few can relate to.
I started feeling alive again but this time I knew I would live differently. I have made some hard changes. Some things will never be the same. I will take better care of myself. I will stop no matter what I am doing and listen to what God is telling me. The most important thing is that I will trust God with everything I have. There are so many scriptures that I spoke over my life in my darkest hours but only one that I will quote that is appropriate to my situation. “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” Proverbs 3:5-6
Fast Forward to today. As we draw near to the end of 2014, I am a little shaky still. I haven’t fully recovered yet but I am well on my way. I have made some bold declarations and agreements with God about my future. I am certain that my future will be greater than my past. I am doing things differently. I am working differently. My little mustard seed faith grew a little more maybe the size of a grape. I had some amazing things happen to me as we drew near the end of the year. I won’t speak on them now so as to stay on topic. I will wait for things to manifest in fullness and as the spirit leads and then I will share a bit.
Continue to be the best you, you can be and pray for me as I pray for you. God bless you more and more each day and I wish you a prosperous New Year in 2015.
All I can say is, there is power in the Word Of God. Believe.
Enjoy this Song that has lingered within me for the past several weeks, I recorded it a few days ago. I am not a professionally trained singer so don’t judge me for my voice. Feel the Spirit of the song and be blessed.